Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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