Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
