LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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