my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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