Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
