Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
