I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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