I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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