White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
