it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
