Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
