when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Randomize
