part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
