A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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