2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i wish my penis had a tongue
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
