Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
