Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
