You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize