My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
