pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
