I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize