Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
