The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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