the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
