these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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