guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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