Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
