I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize