i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
