So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
They took my balls.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
