I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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