she takes plan B like it's going out of style
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Randomize
