I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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