Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
