Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
