eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
