I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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