it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
