She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
