I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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