I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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