Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Randomize
