Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
