I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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