When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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