I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
