Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
