Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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