and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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