paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
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