On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
