So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
