she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
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I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
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I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
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