haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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