he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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