im holly from the hills drunk
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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