not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
