I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
