We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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