I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
