White coat. Heels.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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