You're a womanizer and a bitch.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize