Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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