3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Randomize
