I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
