At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
