Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize