Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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