well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
