It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
