dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
