Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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