he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
