so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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