Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i dont even know how to be here
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
