It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
