I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
