i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize