At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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