Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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