i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
