She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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