I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
