fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
